Gathering strength

…Training to take part in the London Marathon in my mid 20s taught me a lot of things that I’ve found helpful over the years:

- that you don’t have to believe you can do something in order to do it. You just have to take the actions you would take if you did believe you could, and then you can!

- 26 miles is actually a seemingly impossibly long way

- seemingly impossible things can happen

- you can teach yourself to rest as you are running

This last one really surprised me. When I started running I regularly thought I was going to hyperventilate. I would be breathing so heavily and i would feel exhausted in a few steps.

As the training developed I started doing short fast runs and then walking in between. I built up to short fast runs and jogging in between.

It was a complete revelation. I could enjoy running. It could be relaxing. And then I felt like I could go on for ages!

It was miraculous. I could feel my body growing stronger. I could increase the number of miles I was going. I could even enjoy the scenery along the way, which I never thought would happen.

Fast forward to this year. One of the most difficult years of my life. Certainly a lot of different tests of my endurance, over and over without any breaks.

People say to me ‘make sure you get time for you’ and ‘why don’t you go to a spa for the day?’.

I had 12 hours off without any children at all - that was in May. Because of the complexity of my children’s different needs I have not been able to get much more than an hour to myself at a time since then.

It’s an impossible situation. It’s exhausting and I know I need to be very careful in order to make this work for me and my kids in the long term.

I have remembered that I can rest while I’m running. I can rejuvenate myself. I can grow my strength in real time. I can develop the skills I need as I go. I don’t have to have it all perfect right now. I can work towards aspects of parenting my amazing kids that have floored me.

It can’t be a long term plan and respite is on its way. It won’t be too much longer in the scheme of things and I will be able to have that massage my friends bought me. I will be able to have some time for me. Perhaps a few hours at a spa, or some dancing or even some long awaited singing.

Sometimes we can’t wait for the break in the waves to gather our strength. Sometimes we have to gather our strength where we are, whatever we are doing, whatever direction the storm takes.

You can do this. Hopefully it won’t be for long. Know it’s possible and dig deep.

PS we are back in hospital with Thomas. He is doing really well and hopefully we will be home over the weekend. Warmest wishes all xxx