Rage

Yesterday I was filled with rage.

Not enough space for me.

Not enough time.

When will my needs be prioritised?

I could feel the anger surging through my blood like molten lava. The victim in me was in full flow. I don’t go there often but when I do there is a lot of swearing and self-righteousness.

I have realised over these last few months, there is also deep fear.

Fear of being overwhelmed, consumed by my life situation, fear of not being enough in the face of the challenges around me.

More recently I have found a little terrified child within me, sometimes 7 or 8, sometimes 3 or 4, who is exhausted. Worn out from all the adulting, from having to show up and make important decisions without enough sleep or time in the woods. Without enough playtime or cuddle time.

I’ve neglected that little girl within me and she is ferocious when she is consistently pushed to the end of the line. Just like my actual children need time and space, my inner children need tending to regularly as well. Otherwise the world gets a little out of kilter, a bit too sweary, and ragged around the edges.

Thankfully I can see all my children who are in need, and can spend some time with each of them, giving me more capacity to show up from my adult place, rather than respond from my 7 year old child. So today I went to one of my favourite spots.

I wept. I sat. I listened:

You don’t have to carry all this.

Just let life flow through you.

There is peace in the present, a clarity, even when it’s tough.

When there is fear or you are telling yourself stories about your life and what it means for you, you are not present to what is actually happening.

You have everything you need.

Healing energy is always available for you, even when you are not sat with your feet in the water!